I am at a point of my life where I just want to kind of settle down in a relationship with a guy I have always wanted, you know? But no matter how hard I try (even if I am not trying at all) I always end up getting confuse and messing everything up. I either try too much or I don’t try hard enough. It gets more complicated once I think about it.

I don’t want to be the type of girl that dates three different guys anymore. I know some of you if not all will say that I am young and I deserve to do this and that and I should just have fun. But you know what, I’ve had enough of fun. And believe me, I’ve gotten into so much trouble for wanting and having too much fun. I can’t elaborate it more than that because it’s my personal life we’re talking about here. That’s all I could say right now.

I am depressed, confused, exhausted, stressed out and probably everything in between those. I just want to stop everything and start off fresh.

I am impulsive when it comes to these kinds of things and usually I could say I am in control. But with my life being so crappy lately, I don’t think I have any control with my life this past couple weeks. Maybe months. Who knows.

Forgive me my fellow blog buddies. I will make it up to you all. Soon. I promise. I love you!

I’ve got nothing much to blog about but I guess I’ll just rant about whatever I can think of as I am typing.

John is very persistent that we go out again. It kinda makes me feel really good; it boosts my ego as a matter of fact. He’s making me feel that he really likes me but no matter how much I try convincing myself that eventually I will learn to like him as a friend I don’t think I will come to that point. I just don’t see us dating you know what I mean?

With Andy, we’re kinda falling apart these past few days. Talking is the only thing that we have right now and he’s kinda taking that away from us. I haven’t talked to him since last week and I’ve been trying to talk to him, like real talk-talk you know, but apparently he’s too busy for anything like that right now. He says it hurts him when I question my love for him but it hurts me not being able to talk to him the way I want to you know? This is complicated. I’m about to give up. Maybe not. I’ve said that so many times before and I don’t think I have guts to do so. He’s just so damn much to let go off you know?

Why does life treat us like this? Why can’t we have the people we want or things that we want? Why do we keep ending up with someone or something that we’re not even interested in? Why? Is that how life really is? When is life going to be fair?

I know I am young but I have been through so much shit and to be honest with you, I’m getting tired.

Sorry if I haven’t blogged about anything interesting lately. It’s just that … my life’s not interesting and/or exciting enough these past couple weeks. It sucks. I’ve got to do something about this!

Any suggestions?

Oh btw, I’ve been tagged by Sarah.

1. What was I doing 10 years ago?
I was 11, can’t really think of something that I was doing. I was being a first timer Ninang (god mother) to my nephew?

2. What are 5 things on my to-do list today?
Eat good breakfast. Finish my laundry. Hang out with Kristine. Update my Zune. Download new songs. I did 1 out 5. LOL

3. Snacks I enjoy:
Nachos with queso. Pringles. Lays original. Lots more.

4. Places I’ve lived:
I moved 3 times when I was in the Philippines, and twice here in the states.

5. Things I’d do if I were a billionaire:
Get me and my family out of debt. Get me a new car. A house (a condo). Start a business.

6. People I want to know more about:
Andy… Andy… Andy… there’s always so much to learn about him!

I think I am supposed to tag  6 people too? - Dawn, Shae (Miss Ash), Taruh, Dre, Olivia  and Rob!

I swear I didn’t mean to leave the blogging world for a second there. I was busy and there was really nothing I could do to avoid it. Work pretty much took over my life for the past month. It’s been crazy but fun at the same time. A lot of things happened from the last time I blogged (not counting the one from the other day) up to now. There was a big turn around between Andy and I, and John and I.

Let’s start off with John, we finally went out to dinner! I can definitely tell that he’s really into me but the thing is, I am not into him and I tried to be into him! It didn’t work. It sucks cuz I really thought we could do it you know? I mean we’ve both been talking about going on a date and stuff but when it finally ended I just realized that I only like him as a friend. But I am glad that it’s done and over with.

With Andy ... we finally met and didn’t like each other at all. During our date I could tell that he couldn’t wait to go home and get rid of me. I’m just joking. First of all Andy would never ever feel that way and we haven’t met yet. Haha. I wonder when that would be huh? Anyways, the big turn around with him … we’re saying I love you to each other now. Not on a regular basis but I can bravely tell him ‘Andy, I love you!‘ without having to worry. It was embarassing when it started. I sent him a message that was supposedly sent to TWITTER. It says “I love my Andy” because during the time I was twitting, I was texting with him. So I accidentally sent it to him. After that, I immediately said sorry and told him that there’s an explanation for it. And he said “Don’t worry babe, you know how much I LOVE YOU!” Then the next day we started talking about it and stuff. It’s cool. I love the feeling of it.

Uhm, that’s about it with the lovelife. As to my social life and friends, I’ve been staying local lately. I go to happy hour once in awhile and most of the time with co-workers. It’s pretty cool cuz I never thought I’d get along with them like this. I’ve always told myself to leave work AT work. But look at me now, most of my Friday nights are spent bar hopping (locally, meaning close to my house) with co-workers.

I promise (and I always break my promises!) to blog more from now on. I am also planning on staying up late tonight just to blog hop and return comments and see what you’ve all been up to. From the bottom of my heart, I really do miss you all. And you know exactly who YOU ALL are. =]

First of all, I want to apologize for neglecting whatever I have in here. And ofcourse, for neglecting you all. I admit it, I haven’t been the best blog-friend these past month, I’ve got valid reasons. But I am not in any mood to list them all down for you.

 I’ve got no time. Keep coming! Be back soon.

If you can’t tell yet, I have been pretty busy with things. I still am busy as a matter of fact. At work, I am transitioning from “the youngest girl who’s been doing the littlest things” to “the youngest girl who will be doing the biggest things” in the office. I can’t explain it more than that because it will get more complicated! I like it though. You all know how much I like trying new things and the challenge of it all. I am having a great time!

Other than being busy at work, I’ve also been busy doing house job. We are currently painting our dining room. It is so far, half done. We painted it with old rose paint, kind of darker than the usual pink and lighter than hot pink. It looks pretty decent and it surprisingly matches our green living room. We are planning on buyinig new dining room furnitures this weekend to match the whole new look just like what we did with the living room when we painted it green. I am pretty excited.

On to other things … like lovelife, haha. It’s been pretty great lately. No stable boyfriend but I went out Monday night with a good friend Luis. We live like 15 minutes away from each other but we don’t hang out that often. Monday night we met up and he brought me to this cool park that had a huge lake in the center of it and a lil old town around it with shops, coffe shops, sports bars and all that. I was surprised cuz I am always in that area but never thought there was a lil shopping center IN THE PARK! It was pretty cool. I don’t know what me and Luis are for now (he left Wednesday morning for Disney in FL with his fam) but while we were in the park, he took my cellphone and put his name in my calendar for May 30th, 8:30, that’s when he comes back from Florida. I am pretty excited.

But … Andy … I am pretty sure you all know him. That’s another story and I will leave you all in suspense for now hmkay?

John, hah, that last friend of mine that I was supposed to go out with… Apparently, everytime we try going out it seems like there’s always a problem that comes up. I don’t know. So I told him that we shouldn’t plan on “going out” anytime soon. I just feel like we’re not meant to “go out” you know? And I think I made a good decision cuz after saying that, something GREAT happened which was Luis and Andy.

Yeah, call me a two-timer .. I don’t care. And besides I don’t think I am two-timing neither one of them. Why? I am not in a committed relationship with ANYBODY. So that means I can do whatever I want. And that does not make me a slut, a whore or whatever word you want to use. Really, it doesn’t.

I will write later about Andy. It feeeeels great I promise. LOL

So despite that John cancelled our date last week, I still managed to have a great time at my friends birthday Friday night. It was my first time at Cafe Citron and I was very much impressed. It was just a small place it looked like it was gonna collapse as people kept coming in as the night went on. It was so much fun standing on the bar as we dance and take shots. We pretty much didn’t care about anything and anybody else but us. I had a great time. Here are some of the pictures, if you want to see more, you can go to my multiply account, gimikjunkie.multiply.com

 
the dj that spinned our night & some of us.

 
the bday girl, my sis, kristine and i - with kristine.

As for John and I, it seems like our arguements aren’t gonna stop. We never really argue before Thursday night but after that, we just keep arguing. I guess the bigger part of the arguements we have is my fault cuz I have been really really moody these past few days. And I admit, I am PMSing. Blah. I tried so hard to isolate myself from him, from alot of people cuz I tend to bitch when I PMS but I just couldn’t help it. He pretty much pushed me to the edge yesterday when I was already having a bad day at work. Le sigh.

I’ve got nothing much to blog about but that. If you check out my multiply account, you will also see that I went bowling over the weekend too. Blah blah blah.

Dumdeedumdum.
I hate
routines.
Period.

As you all know, I have been pretty down these past couple of weeks. Well, maybe even more than a couple of weeks counting the days that I started to feel crappy about certain things. *wink*

Because of those catastrophes (lol) and my cancelled dinner date with John last night which I hoped would help me ease off my mind of things, I am going out tonight. It’s perfect because tomorrow’s one of my sister’s friend’s birthday and she’s celebrating it tonight. We all are going to Cafe Citron in Washington, DC … our party place … and we’re going to have a blast!

I am pretty excited cuz I haven’t really gone out since I turned 21 (but been out of the country twice in 5 weeks, haha). This is pretty exciting. And plus, like I said this is a mood-boost for me as I have been pretty depressed lately.

I know some of you (blog friends) are very happy to hear that I am going out. I have always been the party girl but been quiet on the party scene lately and here I am again. The old Nina’s coming back and it’s pretty awesome.

About the cancelled-dinner date with John… It was all my fault. You see, John is more like an Andy to me (you’ll be confused if yuo haven’t been following my blog for the past, at least 6 months). But Andy is on the severe level, John’s not. Haha. John and I have been talking for awhile now but never really met up for two main reasons: I had CJ [ and plus he never really asked to hang out ] and I was pretty busy these past couple months. But now that CJ is out of the picture and I`m not so busy anymore we agreed yesterday to go meet up for dinner. I flaked out. Boohoo. =( I felt bad. Really, I did. Well, I didn’t really flake out but I was kinda giving him the impression that I was only going out with him cuz I was bored. So he pretty much ended up cancelling. I tried to ask him not to cancel but he did.

Until now we’re still kind of arguing about the whole thing. I invited him to my friend’s birthday bash tonight but he refused. But he said he’ll be in the Cafe Citron area (which has like 10million bars and clubs around it) tonight and when I asked him if he’s coming to Citron to see me he said probably not. Ouch. I guess I deserve it.

And you know what else I deserve? A good fucking mojito. Or a shot of tequilla. Or both!

I’m excited. Screw you men! Blah.

The past week or so has been like a roller coaster ride for me. I didn’t know how and what to feel about the situtation. I tried to avoid everything that would lead me to talking about it but it seemed like there was no way out of it. So I decided to just face it and give people the attitude they’ve always expected from me: the strong one. Sure I am the strong one but I came to a point where I just wanted someone to be the strong one for me and luckily there were tons of people who were willing to do that for me.

The day I came to the Philippines to see my grandma in her coffin, I could feel my heartbeat pump faster and faster as the car I was in approach the funeral home. It felt surreal to me cuz I never expected that I would feel that way. When I saw my grandma all I wanted to do was cry my heart out and scream and blame absolutely everything to me; to us who weren’t there the WHOLE time she was sick. But it was a little too late. There was never a second that I left her side when I was there for seven days. I probably had a total of 10hours sleep during my 7 days stay there. Even now that I am back here in the states, I still haven’t had a decent amount of sleep.

I just can’t get her out of my head. Like I’ve always said, I am willing to give up 10 years of my life if that means my grandma gets another year… hell, I’d take a month. I just want to be with her a lil more.

I bet you guys would be sick reading about this exact same thing over and over for the next week, month or even a year! Too bad!

I have been trying to get back with my normal routine like nothing happened but it’s just to damn hard! But I am trying… trying… trying… cuz I know my grandma doesn’t like what and how I am right now.

I miss you so muuuuuch, Nanay!

I am the youngest grand child of Marciana Pantaleon out of 13 grandchildren. Today, at the age of 85, my grandma said goodbye to this beautiful world to be in a place that is beyond beautiful, beyond peaceful.

I will trully miss her, no words can explain how I am feeling right now.

I am leaving hopefully tomorrow to see her for one last time. I will be gone for minimum of two weeks.

Guys, if you’re having problems right now about ANYTHING at all… Do not worry about it, there are so much things in this world YOU should be worrying about. Take my word for it.

Bye!

Refer to my post from April 14, 2008 - click!

   
click on the pics for bigger view!

Bloggers meet my friend Milos. My friend Trish who has all the pictures and videos has not sent me the vids yet so I’ll post the pics for now. It was pretty fun shaving off someone’s hair. We even gave him a mohawk before shaving it all the way.

It was funny because when we were done he realized we missed a huge spot on the back of his head but he didn’t bother cleaning it up. And when he came to work (where he works with my brother) he was telling my bro how we forced him so we can shave it. Such an ass! LOL.

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